big ole' update

I begin this blog the same way I have the past few entries....it's been a while since i've written! Hopefully y'all haven't given up on me and are still checking for updates! Life is going by so quickly lately, it feels like such a blur at times! I have to remember to sit down and process so maybe I'll do a little of that here as I type.....

Little miss eden isn't so little anymore....she will be FIVE MONTHS in 6 days! This means we are quickly on our way out of infancy, and i have less and less of an excuse for still carrying around baby weight...haha! Eden is all smiles most of the time, and is a really good baby. It feels so wonderful to have people comment on her sweet disposition when they are around. We are starting to venture into the world of solids. It's interesting....and I'm more thankful than ever that we flush her diapers (thank you g diapers!)! Boy, do they stink...ick. She is finally grabbing her toes and beginning to pull them towards her mouth. She also will reach for a toy if you sit her up and put it out in front of her. She rolls over constantly....front to back and back to front. When she's on her tummy (and her side) she'll lift herself up so she's resting on her forearm. I fear crawling is in our not so distant future? She will also rock and attempt to scoot when she's on her tummy.

With her new found desire to move changing her diaper has become quite the challenge. I keep saying, "no eden. lay still eden" and though she probably has no clue what i'm saying she will look at me when i speak which gets her to lay still for a few precious seconds! Whatever works, right?

I think i think she's on a 4 hour schedule these days....eating four times a day. I had previously had her on some crazy 3 hour 45 minute schedule for the 1st half of the day and then had her eating every 2.5 hours her last 2 feedings just to cram 5 feedings into a day. When she began protesting eating, and no longer taking full meals i bit the bullet and moved onward. There's always some transition time when this happens but baby girl is doing great. This means longer and fewer naps and longer night time sleep which is exactly where we want to be.

Speaking of naps, E finally sleeps without the swaddle...WAHOO! And truthfully, I think she sleeps better without it! She's always been a great sleeper, but now that she's able to move around and adjust herself she seems a lot happier. We had a few (well 2) days of almost constant crying. I went into it prepared for the worst, and while at times I literally thought I was going crazy it was nothing compared to others stories. For that I am thankful. Once that was mastered she started to get her limbs stuck in the crib slats and would wake up screaming. Nice, huh? I finally got smart and purchased one of those mesh crib bumpers. Saved. my. life. Baby girl sleeps peacefully once again. And it's actually pretty cute (light pink)....always a plus!

A few other things about our girl: she loves her daddy. she follows ellie around (with her eyes) constantly. she even smiles at her, though ellie really has no clue. all she cares about is licking eden's feet and ears. i still have no idea what color her eyes are - bluish, greyish, greenish right now....they've been that way for a while. she belly laughs more and more often. if she's crying, i mean really crying, i sing "this little light of mine" and she calms right down. she still smiles when i pray over her before she sleeps. loves her baths. kicks and giggles in the pool. still finds her thumb every so often but really only when she's tired. gets distracted very easily when she's eating. sometimes i have to close the door and face the wall. often, she'll look up at me and smile. i have to remember to smile back, instead of getting frustrated that she's taking her sweet time to eat. she's been "talking" herself to sleep instead of crying.

whew- i really think that's about everything. i really enjoy being momma. I'm finally beginning to understand it as part of my identity. not something I do, someone I am. it is so different than i ever thought it would be. so much sweeter. so much harder. there are days i feel like super mom, and other days i feel like a total failure. some days, i even wonder why God called me to this. Why He thought I was fit. What I love though, is that every single mom out there has probably felt the same way at one time or another. In fact, everyone, mom or not, has probably wrestled with those same feelings. I'm not alone. What I struggle with and who I am are not the same thing. Just have to keep reminding myself of that.

I could really go on, but there's a song i just love that I've been singing a lot lately. Here's the words to the chorus:

There's no such thing as perfect people
There's no such thing as a perfect life
So come as you are, broken and scarred
Lift up your heart and be amazed, be changed
By a perfect God

"Perfect God' by Natalie Grant